


I Love You

by WhiteCrane



Category: Noli Me Tangere & Related Works - José Rizal
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Italics, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 13:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18094970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteCrane/pseuds/WhiteCrane
Summary: Crisostomo Ibarra only desired to hear three words from him.Crisostomo said it too early, and heard it too late.





	I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to have a sad ending, as requested by my good friend but I thought of making a happy ending for something like this so we can at least feel good in reading this LMAO 
> 
> Just some things about this one-shot, the events aren't really told accordingly, most are flashbacks, that's why they're in italic. I ship Salome and Maria Clara as well so expect things about them, and Elias doesn't accept the fact that he's gay for Crisostomo and feels it's wrong for him to love a man (but then again look at the tags before you think he'll end up being scared forever), also I'm bad at angst. 
> 
> The characters might be a little out of character but I love me some fierce Salome and scared Elias. I believe Salome and Maria Clara can be strong as Elias and Ibarra can be weak.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for the request and sorry for any errors!
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> (My style of writing kinda changed here, and it's the first time I did such a thing so expect it to be awful hahaha)

_"I love you."_

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_"I'm sorry, I don't love you."_

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_"I love him so much, Maria."_

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_"No, Salome. I can't tell him the truth."_

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_"I just wanted to be a part of your life, Elias."_

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_"Damn you! Why do you have to exist, Crisostomo!"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

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_"I'm sorry I exist."_

_._

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_._

_._

_._

_._

_"I love you!"_

 

* * *

 

_He stood at the edge of the cliff, his dull eyes gazing upon the cruel waves of the ocean beneath. The wind howled like a storm, the sky such a grey color. It was cold, too cold, and it was lonely. It felt as if he'd lost his mind, having been defeated by the clutches of the darkness inside him. He stands on land, and yet he's already drowning, drowning in the sea of overwhelming sadness with no one to save him._

_He mindlessly took off his black coat, letting go of it and letting the wind take it anywhere it wants. For a moment, his eyes lingered upon the engagement ring on his finger, vaguely remembering the offer Maria Clara gave him with a sad smile._

_He remembered what day it is today._

_It was his wedding. He was to be wed with Maria. Maria must be wondering where he is, but no longer wondering why he's not at the altar._ _She knows his pain, she helped him, and yet her help alone wasn't enough to pull him from the sea that's drowning him._

_He already suffered great loss, lived a tragic life, happiness was never there, and the first time he ever loved someone, that person wanted him to die. He remembered the frustration that sketched Elias' face, remembered the glare and his growl,_

_"Damn you! Why do you have to exist, Crisostomo!"_

_..and that hurts._

_There are tears forming in his eyes, and a broken whisper sounds from his quivering lips, "I'm sorry I exist." He wished he could tell this to Elias, wished he hadn't fallen for the man. Elias just had to capture his heart, and it was so foolish of Ibarra to think it would be alright if he told Elias of his feelings._

_Elias had been the light in the darkness that shrouded Ibarra's mind, Elias was the place he could turn to when Maria's arms were already burdened enough. Elias was the happiness he thought he'd feel at last, and it turns out, he was the sadness that added more pain to his already broken heart._

_He hugged the ring to his chest, "I'm sorry Maria.." was all he could utter as he thought of his best friend crying over his decision. "I'm so sorry.." he closed his tearful eyes, letting out a sigh, "but I'm doing this for him." He let out a laugh._

_"He'll be happy I won't exist anymore.. won't you be happy too? Happy because you're no longer burdened?" The laugh is bitter, spurting out every foolish thoughts he had that maybe some day, he could laugh with real joy again._

_"..don't worry Maria.. I'll be happy too."_

_He was a fool._

_A fool._

_A fool who lost so much._

_A fool who loved too much._

_He was too broken, and who would want to love such a broken man?_

_Elias had every reasons to not love him and want him to die._

_"Thank you for everything, Maria.. but I'm afraid I must go." He can feel the way the wind tugged at him, the way his legs trembled, waiting for him to take just a single step so that he'll fall to his awaited end._

_"Elias.." The name gives him great pain, and his mind lost it all, his heart already giving in. He'd follow the pull of the wind, follow the force of gravity so this time, he'd truly be drowning, but-_

"I LOVE YOU!" 

_A loud scream was what he heard, an awfully familiar voice ringing in his ears. His breath hitched and he turned around slowly, his eyes widening and his heart clenching as he saw whom he did not expect to be running towards him. The darkness disappeared, and he tried to say a word, but he couldn't._

_Elias was running towards him, fear and panic plastered on his face. Ibarra could see the man's despair, reaching out to him as he kept running._

"I love you!" 

_Elias screamed at him once again, and those three words that Ibarra desired to hear for so long were finally there. He couldn't believe what was happening, and yet he smiled when such a relief blossomed in his chest._

> _I love you too._

_The words were at the tip of his tongue, and his heart wanted to soar, he needed to tell it to Elias, needed to let Elias know even if he already did._

"I love you!"  _Elias repeated, and he was getting closer. Ibarra took a step to meet him, already forgetting what he'd been wanting to do._

_The unshed tears fell.. and suddenly.._

_the wind pulled._

_"Crisostomo!"_

_He sees the shock and fright on Elias' face as he lost his step and fell right into his end, his arm reaching out to the sky- to Elias._

_The last thing he ever saw was Elias jumping after him, reaching for his hand._

_He fell into the ocean._

 

* * *

 

_"Cris..." Maria's voice was like a soothing song as she hugged him. Ibarra hugged her back and cried on the crook of her neck, burying his face. "It's going to be okay.." he heard her reassuring him, but he doesn't feel alright. "No, it's not.. it's not going to be okay. The only man I've ever loved doesn't feel the same." He sobbed, "I-I know I shouldn't have fallen.. I shouldn't have told him." He hugged Maria tighter._

_"I love him so much, Maria." He cried, endless tears soaking his best friend's collar. Maria hugged him and cried with him._

_"I love him so much I don't know what to do."_

 

* * *

 

_"Elias, what did you tell Crisostimo?" He closed his eyes, closing his notebook and picking up his phone, standing up to leave so he could avoid the question. Before he could, he felt a hand grab his wrist tightly and so he turned, staring at his female best friend who looked disappointed at him._

_Salome parted her lips, "What did you say?"_

_Elias looked away, knowing that his response would gain him a much more disapproving look from his best friend. "Elias, what the fuck did you tell him?" Salome cursed, and she rarely curses. Elias figured she's angry._

_He sighed, "I.. I panicked." Salome's glare was making him nervous, filling him with regret as her question reminded him of a great mistake he just did._

_"I-I told him I don't love him."_

> _"I love you."_
> 
>  
> 
> _"I'm sorry, but I don't love you."_

_Salome slapped him._

_"Elias! You idiot, how could you!?"_

_Elias bitterly thought, indeed, how could he? He was an idiot. He hadn't known what came across his mind when he blurted out such lies to Ibarra. He fantasized for such a moment for so long, wanted to hear those words from the person he fell for, but when he confessed, Elias panicked and spoke before he could think. Something inside of him was scared to tell the truth, he was afraid of accepting the truth that he was in love- with a man nonetheless._

_He was afraid._

_"I won't believe it's all because you panicked. Hadn't you been wanting this? Elias- what the fuck?" Salome kept hitting him repeatedly, and Elias did nothing to stop it. "You heartless jerk! He'd been crying over it to Maria! Everyone in the building knows about it! What were you thinking!?" It was the first time Salome ever yelled at him like that, and Elias couldn't take it._

_"I was scared, Salome! I was fucking scared! Y-You know how hard it is to accept the fact that I'm in love with him! I'm in love with a guy! A guy, for fuck's sake! It's not easy for me to accept that- that I'm.. I'm fucking gay. I'm so gay for him but I got scared, okay!?" He yelled back at her._

_For a moment, she was stunned, but then she sighed and looked at him with her anger dissipating. "I should've known." She muttered._

_"I understand you were scared, but don't you love him?" She asked, the venom in her voice disappearing as well. Elias felt so foolish as he began to cry, hating the way he felt so guilty and frustrated. "I do, Salome, I really do."_

_"Then pack up the courage for him! There's nothing wrong with loving a man. There's nothing wrong with falling in love for someone with the same gender. Gender doesn't matter, okay?" Salome reassured him._

_Elias scoffed, "That's easy for you to say-"_

_"No it's not. I'm in love with a girl, you idiot. I can't believe for all the years we've been friends you still thought I was straight." Salome blurted out, surprising Elias. She too was crying, and she slapped Elias again._

_"I'm in love with Maria Clara. I was scared too when I realized it, but I told her because I love her and I'm much more scared of losing her to someone else. I was really happy when you said you had feelings for Crisostomo and I was so ready to support you but you rejected him. Please, Elias.. tell him the truth." Salome was pleading to him, and Elias couldn't understand why Salome seemed to be so affected by his mistake._

_It wasn't easy to just pack up the courage like Salome did._

> _It was never easy._

_He knows he'll regret his decision, but he was too scared to realize the outcome of the wrong words he kept uttering. His mind imagined scenarios out of fear, and those imaginations made him shook his head._

_"No, Salome. I can't tell him the truth."_

_He turned his back away and left his best friend crying._

 

* * *

 

_"I just wanted to be a part of your life, Elias." Was what the other male whispered, and Elias' heart started to lurch in pain as he began to shed angry tears. He loves him, he loves him but he's too scared to tell him, too scared to accept it, and he was angry, so mad that he just had to meet Crisostomo Ibarra who changed his life and made him stuck in a place full of fears._

_His anger was a vile thing to feel._

_He looked at the man who owns his heart, and he can't help but glare, he can't help but blame him because damn him!_

_Damn him for being so beautiful!_

_Damn him for being so kind!_

_Damn him for being so loveable!_

_Damn him for making Elias fall in love with him!_

_Damn him!_

_DAMN HIM!_

_In the midst of his tears, his sight darkened. Elias growled angrily at him,_

_"Damn you! Why do you have to exist, Crisostomo!?"_

_The look of pain that painted Ibarra's face made him regret it instantly. Before he could say sorry, the latter was already running away.._

_..and Elias did nothing but watch him fade._

 

* * *

 

_"Maria's going to marry Crisostomo." Salome's voice was dull, her face blank but full of tears. Her hands were clenched into fists, eyes showing barely concealed anger directed at Elias. "She's going to marry him." Her lips quivered, and she glared at Elias in so much anger._

_Elias heart just shattered, his mind processing his best friend's words._

_Then he realized how wrong he'd been._

_He realized he just ruined the lives of people he held most dear to his heart, and he ruined their lives just because he was too scared and too foolish. He didn't listen to Salome, nor did he listen to his heart's desire to tell Ibarra how much he loved him, instead, he listened to his fears._

_Self-hatred was such a vile feeling._

_He remembered cursing Ibarra for existing, and he hated himself even more. He allows Salome to beat him up, allows himself the pain that Salome inflicted upon him, allows himself to be taunted by her screams, he allows it all because it was his fault._

_"If only you told him the truth, it wouldn't worsen and turn to shit!" Salome's kindness already disappeared the moment Elias made a grave mistake.._

_and he understands._

_Maria's sacrificing her own happiness just so Ibarra could forget him. Salome's losing the woman she packed up the courage to confess to, she's losing the woman she loves, and Ibarra's broken just because of Elias._

_"It worsened to the point they'd have to marry! Do you even understand how fucked up Crisostomo's heart is to need Maria's offer just to forget you!?"_

_Salome had always been strong, sometimes, she was stronger than Elias, and every punch she threw at him truly hurts,_

_and he deserved it all._

_"He was already willing to die before you came, and when you did, you were his hope! But you have to make things worse and now I'm losing Maria too! Fuck you Elias!"_

_It was his fault._

 

* * *

 

_He was panting, his breath shaking, his legs aching in exhaustion as sweat dripped from his forehead. His whole body ached, yet he didn't stop. His clothes made it a bit harder to run, but he didn't care, all that mattered was reaching Ibarra and telling him what he'd always wanted to say._

_Worry filled his chest and he prayed Ibarra was safe._

_Elias needed to see him._

_He needed to tell him._

_He needed to hug him._

_He needed to kiss him._

_Elias needed him._

_He was scared before, but now he wasn't. He realized his love for Ibarra could give him strength and courage to face his fears, and when he saw how Salome and Maria Clara looked at each other a day before the wedding, he realized he shouldn't be scared just because he loves a man._

_Love is love, and if God allowed him to fall in love with Crisostomo Ibarra, why should he listen to the world's taunting about how wrong it is to fall in love with the same gender?_

_The world is cruel, but God is not._

_That's why he fell for Crisostomo Ibarra, because God gave Ibarra to him._

_Salome was right, he should tell the truth._

_No matter how exhausted he is, he never stopped. He never stopped running to the direction where Ibarra went according to the letter Maria showed._

_It was his and Maria's wedding today, and the supposed bride came to them crying and holding a letter she read out loud._

_Ibarra was gonna end his life._

_That scared Elias the most. It was scarier than anything else, because damn it, this is Crisostomo Ibarra, this is the man Elias loves so much and he couldn't let him go, he was scared, he was frightened._

_He hoped he wasn't too late._

_He ran through the forests to the cliff, where he saw a familiar figure standing on the edge. There's panic rushing into his veins, and he felt his lips part, his voice ready to let out a scream, and when he did, he did not call for him, he did not yell his name, instead, what came out were his words of love._

"I LOVE YOU!"  _and he sees Ibarra turn, and he fastened his pace, hurrying to reach him before Ibarra could fall. He sees Ibarra's expression, and so he screamed again,_

"I love you!"  _Amidst the feeling of panic and fear, it felt so good to scream those three words like he'd been wanting to do, he reached out for him, and he kept professing his love that he should've done a long time ago._

_He was so desperate to reach him, desperate to hold him._

_He sees Ibarra's smile, the relief showing on his face, so Elias screams again,_

"I love you!" 

> _I really love you._

_He was getting closer, just a few more steps and he'll be able to hold Ibarra at last, just a few more and he can embrace him, just a few more-_

_"Crisostomo!"_

_Ibarra fell,_

_and so did he._

_For a moment, he was shocked and frightened as Ibarra lost his step and fell backwards, but his body moved on his own and before he knew it, he jumped after him, reaching out for his hand before they fell into the cruel waves of the ocean._

_He didn't feel the waves drowning him, he could only feel his body falling deeper in the ocean, diving in further,_

_reaching and holding Ibarra's hand tightly._

 

* * *

 

The sound of a monitor greets him as soon as his consciousness returned. Darkness were all he could see, memories flashing in his mind like a play, a bit blurry, but enough for him to remember. His senses hadn't returned, he could see nothing, nor feel anything, but he could hear sniffling to his right, and then he  _felt_ an arm wrap around his stomach, and something rest upon his chest, soaking whatever clothing he wore.

Ibarra opened his eyes, and then he  _saw_ Elias, his face buried on his chest. He couldn't see his expression, for his long dark hair covered the sides of his face, but he could hear him crying. 

He could feel the tears soaking his shirt. 

He could feel Elias hugging him tighter. 

A warm and tired smile forms on Ibarra's face, and he remembers the moment on the cliff, how his world drastically changed the moment he heard Elias screaming at him, screaming for him. 

Elias was his light, and now that he's with him, he forgot every bits of sadness he ever felt. He placed his arm around Elias' back, sensing the man tense up. 

Elias sat up, tilting his head to look at him, and that's when Ibarra saw his face. Elias's puffy eyes were wide, his nose a bit red, tears rolling down his cheeks. Ibarra kept his smile, and Elias cried more. 

He hugged Ibarra tighter this time, face buried on the crook of his neck and he recites a mantra of "I love you." over and over, and Ibarra whispers into his ear,

"I love you too." 

Elias cried to him, telling him of every mistake he did, telling him of every feelings he felt, telling him how he managed to save him from the ocean, all the while Ibarra hugged and comforted him. 

Elias told him of many, "Sorry" and "I love you" as if it would be the last he would, and Ibarra laughed fondly at Elias. 

"I've desired to hear three words from you for so long. I said it too early.." Elias planted a kiss upon his forehead, "and you heard it too late.. didn't you?" There's this sadness in his voice that Ibarra wants to take away. 

"It was worth the wait." He grins.

Elias laughed amidst the tears. 

"Besides, how can we say I heard it too late when you said it at the right time?" Ibarra asked him, and he knows that Elias understands. Elias smiled at him and lookd at him with so much love and Ibarra thanked the Lord because this was all he ever wanted. 

"I love you, I can say it over and over again." Elias uttered, and Ibarra can't help but feel so relieved. 

"I love you too, and I can say it even if I reach my end." 

Then their lips met in a soft kiss, a kiss that both had dreamt of for so long. It was their first time to ever feel a love such as this, and it filled them both with joy and an undying love for each other. 

All the pain was worth the wait. 

It hadn't been long when Salome and Maria Clara eventually came, the two holding hands when they did. Maria went to hug Ibarra while Salome hugged Elias and the two took turns. 

"I'm so glad you're okay.." Maria told him, crying as she did. "I was so worried when I found your letter. I-I thought you were already.." she stopped and controlled herself from smacking Ibarra so she smacked Elias who yelped instead. 

"I'm so proud of the two of you though.." Salome smiled at them as their attention diverted to her. She looked at Elias, "I'm happy you jumped in for him even though that was really dangerous. Good thing we came moments after with an ambulance ready. And you-" she turns to Ibarra, "You got us all worried.. please don't do it again." She told him.

Ibarra nodded. 

Maria was still crying, "I swear, once you're better, I will definitely unleash every worry I've had and punch you on the face!" She exclaimed, her clenched fists that were meant for Ibarra went to hit Elias instead, making everyone laugh at poor Elias. 

"Maria, don't." Ibarra shook his head at his best friend's hilarious actions. "He jumped in after me, so he might be tired too.." Elias pushed Maria aside and grabbed his hand, the two playfully glaring at each other before they chuckled. "Don't worry about me, I can take it." 

Salome snorts, "You sound so cheesy."

"Says the one who punched me while crying about how much she loved Maria." 

Salome and Maria both blushed while Elias and Ibarra laughed. "Shut up! I can beat you up again, don't test me!" 

They were all laughing, and they were all happy. While they all joked around, Ibarra's gaze landed on his and Elias' hands, their fingers intertwined. He still can't believe he was finally with Elias, happy and loving without fear. 

So he tugged at his hand, catching their attention. Elias looked at him, and Ibarra smiled widely, "I love you." He stated.

Elias returned the smile, and returned his words, 

"I love you too." 

Ibarra wouldn't mind hearing it over and over again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time I wrote with a style like this and omg I honestly suck at this-
> 
> Anyways, did you enjoy this? I hoped you did even if it's not very pretty. Thanks for reading~


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